Found random cash in my purse today.
Just paid the $200 deposit for school.
:/ there goes that good feeling of paying a good chunk of the credit card.
I need a break from everyone. This week, month, or however long this shit has been lasting has been miserable.
I’m supposed to be happy, planning, happily planning with the good news.
Not fantasizing of getting up and telling everyone to just fuck off.
Everyone is so irritating.
I’m so close to having some sort of destructive freak out.
I don’t think I made to be in once place for long. I’m not patient. I don’t like this type of routine. I don’t like having to please everyone by planning my life around what they want. I’m going to end up with so much resentful feelings towards everyone.
Taking Ollie and leaving is all I want to do right now. Only thing I see making me genuinely happy.
So do I wish Nick a happy (sorta step) father’s day?
Because he even said he doesn’t feel like he’s taking that role, that he’s taking the ‘cool uncle’ role, Due to the situation I’m in. But I still feel like I should say something? The intention of taking that role is there, says he treats him as if he’s his own so it’s half way there? Lol yeah,I have no clue.
As much as we get along, we are on total opposite when it comes to some relatively major parenting things. There’s things I’m really passionate about and he could give a rat’s ass about it, which at times is really frustrating. He’s so western with a good chunk his views. And I’m totally not.
I feel like he might change his mind on a few things once he experiences it all, along with being more receptive to outside of what he’s used to.
God this is so strange to me.
For one, having to equally consider someone when it comes to raising kids. Second, It makes me feel like I’m 35 years old thinking about it worrying about conflicting parenting views.
I’m fake happy all the time.
An a attempt of trying to convince myself that I’m not miserable all the time.
Lost the fight tonight.
I miss nick, a lot.
:/ I just want to watch a movie and cuddle damn it.
But i have to be at work or at school everyday this week.
Okay i really need to go to sleep. I have to take pictures for a friends graduation, then go to work for 6 hours and go back to her house to take more pictures. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. :/
I feel like I fail as a mom when I lose my patience with Ollie and then have him watch curious George so I can cool off.
I just think of him excitedly saying “George!” and it makes me so sad.
Today has been rough.
Can I just take my little family to Europe, make crepes, take pictures of pregnant ladies, toddlers and newborns. Then just volunteer everywhere?
Maybe open a daycare, and do crafts all day with the kids?
I’d be more then happy if that was my life.
Gahhh so nervous!
They have a 4 day turn around. So by friday i should know! :O
Not to be dramatic, but my life really depends on this.
As finished it’ll be lol